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The first question that everyone has to ask himself is – why are you here? Why do you want this? Almost everyone who wants to consciously learn how to become better in some areas, especially in terms of being more social, sees the opportunity. They see people around them who aren’t great. Who aren’t even good. They see average people that are NOT living a great life and think to themselves – “I don’t want this to be me. I want something better for myself.”
The glass is always full, it’s never empty or half empty. The best part is that everything that you need to become someone who has an incredible social life is already inside you, we will just bring it up and make sure that you are looking at everything the right way.
So what are some of the benefits of being exceptional at social skills?
- Friends of your choosing – you can only spend time with people that you genuinely like instead of settling for whoever is available
- Get all the private invitations to special events, parties, and business mastermind groups
- Dating will be so much better with if you are great socially, you will actually date people that YOU want to date.
Write down in detail what kind of social life you want. Different people have different goals and I want you to be specific on what you want for yourself – you may want to only spend time with six closest friends, perhaps you want to meet hundreds of people and just put yourself out there. The choice is yours.
Donald Trump – The Art of The Deal (The book)
Donald Trump says – if you are going to think, you may as well think big. That is how the most successful people think. They have big goals. If your social goals is to get 3 average friends you will probably get them, but that is not much of a goal. There is almost NO reward in that.
A big goal is to have the best social mastermind circle that you have ever seen.
Not everything that we are going to talk about is for you, and that is OK. Just do the things that fit your needs and are going to get you closer to your goals. You can try everything as an experiment, but you will most likely not use everything that you are being taught on a consistent basis.
Don’t take that as being an underachiever or just not as good. It has nothing to do with that – you will not do everything and you will not want to do everything. Accept that and the fact that things are about to change for you. That is the purpose of any training, otherwise that wouldn’t be a training and you wouldn’t be here. By learning something new, you want something to change.
Most people rather stay in their little circle called comfort zone and refuse to change. That is why they will never achieve anything meaningful, anything worth mentioning. You need to change yourself in order for things to be better and that scares some people. It means they will have to stop playing their time-wasting video games, stop watching valueless movies, have to go to social events and meet new people, get rejected countless times and so on. That can be difficult to process. It’s simple on an intellectual level when I write about it and you read about it, but when you actually do it, it’s not as fun as it sounds (at first.)
Just for a second imagine a version of yourself that has all the social skills that you want at the moment, that person walks, talks, and acts exactly the way you would want. As you are pursuing to become that idealized version of yourself, you will become NOT you. In order to become the person that you want to become, you have to become something that you are currently not. Some parts of you have to die. Fortunately for you (if you set the right goals), only the bad part of you are going to die while better parts of you are going to be created. For example – you may stop watching your favorite TV series and instead work out and read a book. You got rid of something that wastes your time by replacing it with something that is going to make you healthier and smarter. Nice!
That now basically means that if I tell you that something works you can’t say “Oh, that’s just now me. I can’t do that.”
Anytime anyone say they don’t have time, simply add the words “for that” at the end of that sentence. Everyone has time, but not everyone has time for that – they decide to prioritize different things. If you say you don’t have time, that simply means that the activity that you are describing isn’t important enough.
If your goals toward becoming better socially seems scary and out of reach, you can use the contrast bias. Elon Musk built a rocket, there are people going to space right now. That is hard! Compared to that, your goals are EASY.
George S. Clason – The Richest Man in Babylon (The book)
The more action you take and the harder you work, the luckier you will be. Sooner or later you will get what you want. Stop being a spectator, constantly take action. It is very important NOT to take anything personally. Don’t take any “failures” that you might have experienced (business, dating) to your heart. Don’t lose any enthusiasm. Get over it as fast as possible and keep moving forward.
Society will call you lucky, that was not the case. The truth was that you tried as much of them as you could (using your best judgment to determine which will be better.) Learn from “failure,” become better because of your “failed attempts” and use that knowledge in the further actions.
Change is going on around us at all times – stop being afraid of the change. That is a losing game, because the world will always be changing. Every single element, object, creature that you take under a microscope is changing minute to minute.
Even you, and even if you don’t feel like it, are a completely different being on a microscopic level than you were yesterday. What we would like to do from this point on is control our changing, our constant evolution instead of letting it happen randomly or leaving it up to chance.
If you don’t control your evolution, someone else will. Commonly for most people, evolution is in control of their families, girlfriends, the media (TV news, newspapers) or their friends. Make sure that doesn’t happen with you.
Have your own vision, your own goals, and take control to get to where you want, rather than being a sheep and letting other people control where you will end up.
Also, make sure that you stop comparing yourself to other people and looking to compete with them. It is impossible to determine “who is better.” You can’t possibly know what their connections are, what they have been through in the past… just stop doing it. If you see successful people, just cheer their success, bless them, and learn from what they did. That’s it.
Usually the least successful and evolved human beings compare themselves to other people, while the smartest ones are not even considering it. It doesn’t even enter their reality.
So why shouldn’t you compare yourself to other people?
It’s very simple. Because you are looking to achieve YOUR vision, not somebody else’s. Everyone has different goals, which means that everyone is playing a different game. That is why it is so silly to compete with other people. Sure you can do it while playing sports and it several group activities, but if we are talking about somebody thinking they are better than somebody else, it really is stupid and ignorant.
Only be looking at your own progress, at your own improvements that you have earned.
It is also not smart to do the comparison game, because you are training yourself to become that. To seek validation from being better than anyone else. But no matter how well you are doing, there is always going to be someone better than you, which means you can’t win that game (well actually only one person can, but you are A LONG WAY from him.)
You could be a hundred times more successful than anyone you know and earn 500 million dollars, but there is always somebody who has made a billion and more. Just stop the comparing game.
Most of the world will tell you to be selfless, I am telling you to be SELFISH. Without being selfish you won’t be able to help anybody else. When you get selfish, you become successful, you become better, and that is when you can actually help a lot of people. If you are constantly destroying and sabotaging your own successful to help someone else, you won’t be successful. And because you were helping that one person, you now won’t be successful and won’t be able to help thousands of them.
Forget about doing anything that other people want you to do. Instead do what you want to do. If your friends want you to join them, but there is an author of your favorite book near you that is doing an event, don’t listen to other people that want you to do something. Do what you want, make your own choice. When you listen to somebody else and join them instead of doing what you want, you don’t do anybody any favors. You didn’t do what you wanted, so you don’t do everything 110%.
- Write down 3 people that you know and admire the most in your life.
For every person write down what you think their most important belief about themselves is. Then write down what you think that person’s most important belief about the world and the people in general is.
Just by doing that you now “know” what they are thinking about and why they are so successful. Usually, the reason why people admire somebody is because they have either one or maybe two qualities that they want for themselves. That is why you are doing that – you have to model what they are doing and get those qualities. Use them, and use their belief system.
- Write down Your Ideal Social Group/Circle/Mastermind
Just write it for 15 minutes – be as specific as you can, write as much as possible to really boil it down for yourself. How does it look like, feel like, how do those people respond to you, what would you like them to do… Write down everything. Write it down for how it should look like 90 days from now and 1 year from now. There are X amount of people, we do these activities, there are X amount of girls, people look at us this way, we talk about these things, we have a texting group…
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Jason Capital – 4X Energy
Everyone has a unique time when he gets a lot of things done – it may be in the morning; it may be at 2 am. The key is to know when your magic time is.
Track yourself for one week and figure out when you got the most work done – when did you feel great and didn’t feel the resistance towards working hard, when you just got everything done.
When you know your magic time, carve it out of your day (4 hours) and protect it with your life!
Your dreams, goals, and vision are dependent and reliant on you protecting these few hours per day.
Set up an environment and condition yourself to it for work – do it the same time, be surrounded with the same books and prime yourself to that conditions.
Have an end time. If you keep working, you will not be as productive.
Read before bed
Read biographies before bed – they increase your energy for the next day. Reading about somebody who had a lot of energy, acted the way you want to act, and did what you want to do will boost your energy. Make them be the last thing in your head before you go to sleep.
When you are in the middle of the day and you don’t feel like doing what you were supposed to do, just thinking about the stories of those amazing people will persuade you to do it.
Biggest energy killers – No interruptions checklist
Interruptions destroy your energy. In order for you to recover and get back to where you were before you were interrupted, it will take you 10-20 minutes.
- Emergency – people live in different mindsets and what seems like an emergency for them, is really not that important. When they are hanging out with a super achiever like you, they will have to be retrained that most things aren’t important. They mustn’t interrupt you. Their emergencies are not your emergencies.
- Grand opportunity – people will come to you with “great opportunities” and think that you should drop what you are doing and follow them. They are just neediness; they need someone to go with them.
- Obligation – don’t say “yes” when you mean “no”. If you say yes, you will be and feel obligated to do something. Get used to saying “no” to people – always be clear in your response to everyone. It must be perfectly clear (yes or no). Save them and yourself time and avoid any obligation. It’s better to write than it is to say, so all the facts are written somewhere. If you currently have obligations, somebody is either lying to you (because you said no and they are saying that you promised them something) or you are not saying “no” enough!
- FOMO – you do it to yourself by checking your phone first thing in the morning. People on Instagram and Snapchat always seem like they are having a good time. Dan Pena said that he always says “no” to all invitations. He doesn’t live in reaction, he only invites other people to his events and activities, he never goes to theirs.
Make it a rule to never accept invitations, only send them out. Don’t look at other people’s posts on social media, only send your own posts. The king doesn’t care about what other people are doing, he already knows he is doing the most important things. The only FOMO you should have as a high achiever is missing out on Elon Musk’s private jet, trip to Mars, and billions of dollars that you currently don’t have! You are behind! Steve Jobs made 250 million dollars when he was 27, you have to work faster.
Delete those silly reference points of people who are ducks and don’t have an awesome lifestyle. Upgrade reference points with people that are actually high achievers.
- Critics – it can suck your energy and ruin workflow. Who watches and listens to you mustn’t make a difference to what you are doing. Do whatever it takes to get thick skin.
“If you don’t want critics don’t say anything, don’t do anything, and don’t be anyone.”
There will be critics for whatever you do, especially if you are doing something big. If someone wants to say something that you don’t want to hear, you can always say “I’m not discussing this.”
Emotional bank account
Emotion is energy in motion. Having a strong emotional bank account is just like having a huge bank account. By having that, you will have a lot of energy – maximize the deposits and minimize the withdrawals to that account. All those interruptions are withdrawals; heavy break-ups are going to mess you up. To increase your emotional bank account, you will:
- Do one thing that scares you per day (increases your comfort zone).
- Incantations – scream your affirmations, go from being half-asleep in the morning to being super charged up and focused in a few minutes – build it like a muscle, making it easier and easier to go from any state to your peak state. Dan Pena uses affirmations twice per day for over 50 years!
- Hit a state of momentum every day! It doesn’t take much just to start working and building momentum, and when you do, stay there for longer periods of time – it will also increase your emotional bank account.
Remove time traps
Once per month set time aside and analyze where you were productive and were you lost productivity. Analyze and then remove time wasters – where in the business, the gym, with friends are you still wasting time and energy?
Figure out a way to improve that – for example prepare all your meals ahead.
The two-minute power rush
When you don’t have energy or feel motivated, just accept it, make it light – it’s not a big deal.
Then you can do a two-minute power rush (described in the body language training program). Find a power position (something that is wide open, grounded, relaxed) and hold it for two minutes – that actually increases your testosterone and gives you more energy.
Hold that for the first 30 seconds, then while holding the power pose, imagine all the things that you are going to dominate today – just like a cool movie. Then for 30 seconds just hit one or two specific thoughts over and over again (“I love that every day in every way I’m growing even stronger”). For the last 30 seconds just the the Elliott Hulse grounding exercise.
The book – Eat, Stop Eating by Brad Pilan
The book title says it all – eat and then stop eating. His principle is very simple: one day per week don’t eat anything for 24 hours. During that time something called autophagy. Your cells clean up and remove any damaged cells and poisons from your blood stream. If you are constantly eating, your body is using energy to digest the food and put it where it needs to go. When you take a break from eating, you have all this extra energy that would have otherwise been used for digestion.
By doing intermediate fasting you actually avoid diseases later in life because you are regularly cleansing your system. It’s cellular cleansing, it removes toxins and poisons from your system. The benefits are endless – increased focus, burning fat, increased muscle mass, reduced muscle inflammation…
If you don’t like fasting for 24 hours, you can achieve the same result by not eating for the first 3-4 hours of the day. If you wake up at 6am, don’t eat until 10am. This also works great along with your magic time if your magic time overlaps with this 3-4 hour time frame because there is no energy waste due to digestion in the morning.
If you are preparing your shakes, supplements, or meals ahead, then prepare them for the entire week ahead to save time. Jason prepares all of them on Sunday for the following 7 days.
The 15 food rule
There are countless benefits to keeping the amount of different foods to about 15. Find the foods that don’t make you tired. Foods should give you energy instead of taking it away from you.
Experiment with this:
- Stop with food consumption entirely
- Start your day with eating one type of food that you are certain won’t make you tired – it has to be something that you are confident that will give you energy
- For one day, eat only that food and analyze if you feel great that day
- The next day add one more food that you also feel confident about and analyze if you still feel great
- Keep doing this while finding foods that make you tired – they will often be foods that you like the most – you have to give those foods up
- Keep testing until you find the 15 foods that are best for you and then only eat those for the rest of your life!
You can cheat perhaps once per month but don’t do it regularly! 90% of the time should be invested in those 15 foods.
Music increases your energy – and certain music increases your energy more – use it. If you listen to music with lyrics, you will most likely get distracted.
What’s powerful about music is that you can create your own anchors – keep listening the same few songs over and over again while attaching them to certain feelings. Anchor smells, images, experience in your body, energy, and everything else into a few songs that you will listen regularly.
The state that you are most often in becomes your default setting. By constantly listening the same songs, you are bringing yourself back to the same state of mind and making it your default setting.
Stop listening to the radio that decides the music for you! Just because “everyone” listens to the radio and it’s socially acceptable, it doesn’t mean you should too. And not everyone actually listens to the radio, just the masses.
Apple sider viniger mixed with warm water – it alkalizes your blood stream and kills bad bacteria.
Kybun – bouncy matt that increases your energy while you work standing
Red grapes work great for your brain.
Coconut oil – burns fat, great for your brain, and boosts energy.
Repeatadly listen to one song that forces your mental state to remain the same
Hard charging movements – hitting, jumping, screaming, exercising…
Contrast hydro therapy – contrast hot and cold water while showering (60 second intervals) – whenever you are tired, just accept it and then force yourself to take a cold shower. This is the best technique you can ever do – it’s a reset button for your body!
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