Double Your Dating is a series of several programs designed to help men become more mature, confident, and successful with women.
Table of Contents
David Deangelo – Double Your Dating
Double Your Dating Book
Attraction Isn’t A Choice Book
Advanced Dating Techniques
Attraction isn’t a choice
If you hang out with a woman long enough so that she makes an impression of you and she is not attracted to you, there’s nothing you can do- no amount of logic, convincing her will help. If she becomes attracted to you, there’s nothing she can do- no amount of pressure from friends, family and her trying to convince herself that this is not the right guy will help.
The higher the attraction the less sense it makes that this woman would let this guy do certain things to her- he can destroy her life and she is still going to be attracted to him. She doesn’t have a choice!
When two people meet they meet each other ‘s personas. At this surface point nothing meaningless can happen. These are only words, and most guys try to communicate on this level. It leaves out body language, voice tone and patterns of conversation.
Speak on a primal level and ignore personas. Communicate with your primal level to her primal level directly. Most guys have been watching this their whole life, and still don’t understand it.
Parents, religion and society build up our personas and leaves out our primal level, which we need to attract women that we want. We have to develop it!
Story: how David got to this point- even though he had all these advantages he couldn’t start a conversation
I am going to do whatever it takes to figure this out! – decisive moment
Go out and make friends with guys that are great with women. – some things don’t make sense, watch them and figure them out.
I know what I should be doing but I’m just not doing it- we think we know what we’re suppose to do, but it closes us up and we fail to see what we really should be doing.
Ignore what’s socially right or what I should be doing- persona
Take power back- no insecurity inside
I commit to get this handled so that I will prove myself that I can do this kind of things and get other parts of life handled.
It’s about attracting a mature amazing woman and then keeping her.
As men we haven’t developed ourselves to be mature masculine men, so relationships are failing at greater and greater rate.
Deductive learning– from concepts to techniques
If you understand theory you can develop more techniques.
Notice when I would rather tune out- when I want to do that, that’s usually my mind saying that’s what I should really listen to, but it’s too painful.
Don’t speak like David and try to be him, be who I am. Some material conflicts with other ones, so I need to figure out what’s good for me.
Try even what I don’t like. The things that make the least amount of sense, can help me the most.
I will work, and it’s me who will help myself, but these successful people are there for me.
What will be different in 90 days? I have to use what I’m learning.
0:36 problems of men
Attraction is an emotional and physical process- it’s a response, it’s triggered. It has a logic of it’s own, but it doesn’t seem like it.
Attraction is nature’s way of taking over our minds and bodies just long enough so make sure that we mate with someone with good genes.
Will this man produce off springs that will survive?
Humor, confidence, body language…are all indicators of good genes.
Inside of every woman is a map of what she’s looking for in order to get a child that will be as strong as possible.
Seduction- imply having hidden motives, being dishonest and scarcity mentality.
Attraction- developing myself to the point where women want me, without tricks
Give compliments she feels affection
Notice flaws is being repelled
Act unselfishly likes being around you
Act selfishly doesn’t like being around you
Act humble feels attracted to you
Act arrogant feels repelled by you
Buy gifts appreciates your originality
Have her cook finds you unoriginal
Call often calls you often
Don’t call often doesn’t call you often
Express feelings expresses feelings
Show no emotion needs space
Ask her to decide appreciates it
Decide for her thinks of you as insecure
Accept her drama respects you
Never tolerate drama doesn’t respect you
Everything is usually reversed in the real world!
Open your mind to see how things are instead of thinking how things should be.
If you express relationship interest she will pull back. Do NOT act like a wuss!
Wait for relationship stuff, first you have to build attraction and everything else!
You have to get it! Any technique will work if you get it!
There is a secret language that I may not be consciously aware of, women are 10 times better at reading body language and are instantly aware if a man gets it.
If you don’t start speaking that language as soon as you meet her or even before, the door shuts down and she will not give you a chance.
Sexual tension or chemistry
Illusive obvious- believe it exists (maybe guys that are good with women can show me it exists)
Then look for patterns. Look what others before me have found. I can learn from others to save time. Look for the profound in the simple (finding world in the single sip of sand- Sting)
Get the expert’s perspectives, concepts and beliefs (I see it as a fun little game, it’s a challenge I really enjoy- aha, I can see it that way!)
resigned (either surrender or act passive-aggressive)
We see how we want to see- idealistic. Something opens our eyes and we get frustrated and act spoiled. When we can’t get it we get defiant (thinking they’re better and right). Then we reach critical point- resigned. We can say “I was doing my idealistic game again, I will go and learn this”, or get passive-aggressive (nothing you say or do helps, they want no action). Once we go thru these first steps we see new possibilities (awareness), then we stick with one thing (decisive) and we commit to it. But when we become the most committed to something, we are the most idealistic as well!
Try to stick between awareness and decisiveness. Don’t get too stuck on an idea or too idealistic, to avoid the bad part of learning process.
It’s important to let go of my ideals.
We are using these to keep ourselves on the situation that we’re in.
My ideal- beautiful women are all innocent wonderful human beings.
What Men Want
Most men want to have a girlfriend, even though they want to have a self-image as “player for life”. Develop your skills with women who aren’t the one to get the one when you meet her.
Practice the skill of deciding what you want and continually clarifying it.
Don’t wish what others wish. Decide what YOU want (without social influence) and when do you want it. Describe the situation, how will it look like when you achieve it.
A lot of power comes from clarity- being more specific.
Identify fears and frustrations. Do not be obstacle minded. Never use your mind to figure out why it won’t work and why you can’t succeed. Question limitations.
Turn them into future challenges, while creating a sentence using the first word How
- I am afraid of approaching hot woman- How can I learn to approach a beautiful woman?
- Don’t try to avoid rejection- how can I control the world instead of changing how I’m perceiving it
- Afraid of friends being better than me- How can I stop comparing myself to other people and see that it’s about me and improving myself?
- How can I see the world in a different way?
Address it quickly and knock it down!
Richard- Selfish gene
Darwin- Survivor of the fittest
If some behavior of any species doesn’t make sense look for sex aspect (big tales with animals that make them run slower…) Many species die out for that reason.
Jeffrey Miller- The Mating Mind
Red Queen, Sperm wars
Every single one of my ancestors figured out how to mate with the opposite sex and every one of them were adults. Chances of that happening are 0.
The Economics of Sex
Women behave like eggs, men behave like sperm. She needs to choose with who she wants to be with carefully, to make sure she will not get left alone with the child. Women will be far more selective with who they will mate with.
My body uses my brain to manipulate me.
She retains 0-50% of sperm if she has intercourse without orgasm and from 50-90% if she reaches an orgasm. Women are more likely to reach orgasm with lovers then with husbands.
David- Dangerous passion
Triune Brain- three brains don’t communicate well with each other.
Older brain control newer brains.
That primal brain can take over the thinking, smart part of you.
- Reptile brain (power, domination, raw sex)- trying to hurt other men, checking yourself in the mirror, road rage. When you look at another person figuring out if you want to kill it or have sex with it.
- Emotional brain- part of us that wants to give and receive love and affection, the part that get’s hurt when you’re being rejected.
- Thinking part of the brain- objectifying, math, language, other perspectives
Logical + physical = science
Physical + emotional = art
emotional + physical = psychology
The wizard of ads
If the communication is predictable it’s discounted, unremembered- part of our brain does that for us.
Women have preferences for physical appearances for men as well, but they don’t put as much weight on it as men.
Mimic octopus- would a woman be able to spot different personalities of men and react to them with her different persona?
Most men walk in with costume that says super wussy and it presses a button inside of her called “avoid” and that’s her pattern. A few men walk in like an attractive men and it triggers a button inside her called “mate”.
If a simple animal has a pattern of behavior how to mate (chain that has to be done in a direct order), could we have it as well? Most women can tell you the steps, most men can’t.
Know what the steps are and review them in your mind to see where you’re at.
As much as we deny it, she decides it- she has the ball. If you help her and beat a guy up you’re playing her game, just like you would if you would buy her dinner.
That’s the image- men on one knee offering 3 months of their income and she gets to decide yes or no.
Manipulation- men say they want women to like them for who they are and then they buy them dinner, gifts. They also manipulate women by letting them manipulate them and getting their approval this way. If you did these traditional things, you have been manipulating women, instead of building attraction.
She wants you to be the guy that she just want to be around with.
First you need to understand the process, then you need to overcome limiting beliefs, fears to get the right composure and lastly learn behaviors and actions to build attraction and keep it the right way.
Never believe in anything thing too much, because there will always come a situation when that’s not true.
A map is not a territory. We don’t look at the world directly, we look at it thru a lens. My view of reality is not reality. We can only approach a little fragment of what is going on.
When a person doesn’t meet a certain challenge:
Gives up, makes it personally, about them or learns and overcomes it.
Impoverished map- incomplete (thinking you have few options, when you have infinite options.
Sometimes intelligence can be an enemy. Intelligent guys sometimes can’t stand the idea of learning from less intelligent guys. It’s painful seeing not that intelligent guys being better at something than them.
Smart people don’t perceive that they are wrong. Don’t hold on to it and convince themselves they’re right. Have observing ego and realize when you’re wrong.
You can be wrong once it a while, open your mind and learn.
Eliminate the idea of failure. Never think in terms “This might fail.” Don’t link failure to your self-image and self-esteem. Don’t make it about a thing about you- “I’m a failure.”
A lot of smart people never reach success because they try to avoid failure and that’s putting them down.
Things outside of me can’t make me happy or unhappy- it doesn’t matter if I get that thing or not.
Different persona s are used in different roles in life.
Dominant women are submissive when having sex, beautiful women are most worried about their looks- persona. Don’t talk to persona right from the beginning. Anything that’s extreme in persona is usually hiding in the core.
The strangest secret- “You become what you think about.”
Be nice to yourself.
Most of us feel like we don’t have the permission we want or we don’t deserve to have the life that we want. We are looking for someone to give us that permission. If we get it we sabotage it. We have to give the permission to ourselves.
I deserve it all- everything that I can achieve for myself.
Some people succeed by destroying others, some succeed by pushing others up. It’s better to make in with constructive decisions. Win-win always feels the best long term.
Mind Viruses– evolving and changing
religious cults, slang language…
Your thoughts are not original, you can catch them- sometimes can be bad.
We don’t know whether it will be good or bad in the beginning. The feeling of certainty makes us decide.
Belief comes from an idea, you become convinced and accept it. It can be physical evidence, logical thinking or emotional (feeling). It’s usually the feeling that is the convincer (“I just know I’m right, I can feel it.) You can’t talk them out of it.
truth changes– we fail to recognize it changed and think we’re right (liars committing suicide.)
Yesterday’s truth is today’s bullshit.
Half empty, half full (rats that saw an island swam for twice as much)
Thousands of believes make up your frame- your world changes with beliefs.
Mind links- finding meaning when there is none. When it doesn’t do any good, you have to manually unlink them. One way is called re-framing (new reference so the meaning changes)
Mind lines- Mark
Re-framing – limiting beliefs
Write them down
Connection between internal state and external behavior (run thru a few methods)
Hold thought that when somebody doesn’t want to talk to me he is the one that is in loss in front of me, even when the emotions come up.
Courage- do it, even when fear is there and stick to it. Emotions will come up, but I need to act anyway.
All truth passes thru 3 stages: ridicule, valiantly opposed, self evident
Stages of emotional mastery
- accept yourself and the way things happen for you
- making a personal commitment to becoming a mature man
- recognize that my unconscious automatic irrational responses are barriers for me
- taking personal responsibility for every thought, decision, action and communication
- I am responsible for generating my experience of reality.
- It’s wonderful to experience my emotions deeply, but also realize when not to become a victim of my emotions- when they run my life.
- Letting go of the paradigm- it’s understandable when I become emotional in this situations (don’t look for others, it’s not OK!) Never let emotions take over.
- See the loss of emotional control as a moment, accepting it as it is and then move on to grow.
- Mentally going thru emotional experiences in the past and calmly go thru them again.
- Cultivating pause between two stimulating experiences.
- Reprogram mind so I never get out of control if anything external happens to me. Staying calm and emotionally stable in any situation.
- When everyone freaks out, be unnaturally calm- see the situation objectively
Life isn’t fair and that is great news– I can turn things into my favor.
Major purpose and pursuing it- constant improvement everyday.
You make your own luck and take advantage of it- maximize it and don’t screw luck up.
ONLY I CARE IF I SUCCEED.
Nothing pisses me off- nothing good will happen if this comes thru my boundary.
People will try to pull me down and the reason is I’m doing better.
Newbies always want to learn techniques. I need to learn basics first, in order to execute techniques correctly.
Path to mastery- mastery curve
The one that believes the strongest to his reality will bring it to being. “You’re in my reality now.” Most people are looking for someone else ‘s reality to feel security.
The earth is moving under my feet, I am the center. She’s a guest in my world.
Keep my power for me. Win your case
- I have no power, she has no power. I’m not valuable
- I have no power, she has power. I don’t know what to do, I need to get her and impress her.
- I have power, she has no power. I am the best thing that ever happened to her.
- I have power, she has power. I like myself and believe that I’m a great choice for you. If you like me that’s great, if you don’t I can find another one.
I don’t let women use their looks to get advantages. I put myself in my life first. I am indifferent to the outcome. I get it. I can deal with any test, it’s cute. I have good posture, I’m good communicator and I keep my power.
Laughing after it- insecurity, I don’t believe it.
I’m not impressed by money and status. I’m a catch, I’m confidence.
Reference group- mastermind
My most important influences are the people I surround myself with.
Change reference group or you will never succeed.
How can I effect the things that are unconscious?
- Visualize my ideal self.
- Time line therapy
Do it anytime- in three seconds.
- “I like myself” ten times and mean it.
- Affirmations and self talk (belief that I would like to have, and write it down as if I have it)
- say it 10 times everyday for 90 days.
- Make at least 3 friends that are successful with women.
Low status men don’t know how to deal with conflicts. Most people avoid it, try to stay away from it like it’s evil. The fear of conflict keeps people stuck where they are.
Where do I avoid conflict? Embrace it and look at it directly- deal with it.
Not leaning in. When you’re desperate for a person (when you’re in love), and you desire her too much she backs away. Before you interact with every person remind yourself that you don’t need them.
Don’t put all eggs in one basket (don’t tie your self-esteem to any particular person or outcome). Don’t put importance on any outcome. If you do you pay wanting tax- they back away.
“How would things be different if I knew for every woman that beyond a shadow of a doubt she is into me, but I don’t like her that much? I could have her, but I don’t want her. I will maybe give her a chance. I’m gonna have fun with this and see what this is all about.”
Stop trying to impress women (getting her acceptance, approval, bragging). Guys are in their best behavior and try not to say anything that might upset her. It creates nervousness and anxiety. They become unnatural and weird. Be comfortable and see her trying to impress you. Communicate that you judge while not being effected by judgments, and you’re a selector. Say what she’s doing to mess up her chances with you.
Always have other things to do in your life, instead of waiting if she chooses you or if she doesn’t shows up (flaking).
Flip the table- make other plans even if you make plans with her. Say “call me Friday night and maybe we’ll hang out.”
Most of it is not about the words- newbies always want the words.
Carl Young, Joseph Campbell
Ark type- programs inside my mind (we all have some sort of it- Hero with a thousand faces, people who never met each other had similar stories)
Things we can’t explain that’s deeper than logic and social conditioning.
Women see men that they want to mate with as lovers (attraction) and providers (affection). Lovers are pursuit, providers have to pursue.
Don’t try to be a regular guy. If you’re an interesting cool guy and you get into a relationship don’t change yourself into a guy that sits with a beer and watches the game- forgets his interesting cool side and woman leaves.
The more person was a thrill seeker the more partners they had. Novelty seeking- without being a risk taking fool. More important factor than looks and interest in sex.
Bad boy quotes
- sets of sexual and aggressive passions, he’s no convincing her of them!
- I’m comfortable in my own skin.
- I’m great communicator confident
- I’m in control with emotional side
- I’m not needy, no sexual hangups, around women, delayed gratification.
How would I project these beliefs with my looks and actions? Project them in EVERY action, movement, thought and the way I look.
Voice tone- express emotion and energy
Go from high and low registers depending on the topic. When going deeper in story change voice tone.
Practice speaking from exiting tone- chest and from deep one from diaphragm.
You speak different when you feel confident or feel connected to someone.
Telling story about her is the best subject- reading her.
Why men don’t listen and women can’t read maps
Female have better senses and intuition. Women testing men
Making sure she will mate with a strong confident man, stakes are high. She has to test, so men have no idea. She can’t tell them, it has to be subtle.
Attraction and status are very closely linked.
We operate based on our map on our reality. Don’t get into her reality, that’s the way you pass tests. Expect it and see it as cute, I’m amazing guy.
Create a feeling that I’m too comfortable.
- Mimic something she’s doing in a funny way.
- Pick up something small and smack her with it.
- Let things distract me once in a while, get into conversation with other people. Don’t be too involved and invested in this! Don’t watch her every move.
- Give her a cute nickname. Sparky
- Complain about something she’s doing and give her a sly smile. “I can’t believe you just did that.” Be too serious. You must have made this, it’s wrong…my god!
- Cocky and funny
- Pretend that I’m incredibly attractive women, and see everything she’s saying as she’s wanting and needing my approval.
- Comment her subtle body language. Women are usually good with details.
- Everything she does is cute.
- On a scale from 1 to 10…
- Everything she does is her trying to make a move on me and I’m trying to slow things down
- Treat her like she’s my Brady little sister. I’m flexible to do other things.
- I assume I can’t do anything wrong. It’s a very telling moment when you screw up- how do I deal with it! Don’t be embarrassed, just laugh at it and smoothly fix it.
- It’s important to go easy on overly shy or nervous girls.
- Talk freely about sex, it’s cool. If she tries to take control over the conversation with it, don’t let that happen.
religion, politics, work, death, stalkers, past relationships and LOGIC are death topics.
Logical topics just kill the attraction.
Scandal, funny things and adventures, play psychologist about other people around them (who’s with who and how do you know- make a game out of it) is great!
Making my personality interesting (not being boring and predictable)
- tell and interesting story (screen writing books)
- Become a Renaissance man- learn about history, art, music…
Having a story behind a restaurant that you’re eating at.
European vs American men
Europeans know how to treat women, making them feel like they’re the only woman in the world, making strong eye contact while walking down the historical street, telling interesting stories and giving her a kiss goodnight while leaving her speechless.
too cocky- arrogant
too funny- goofy, not being able to be serious
Alone with a woman- step about trust bridge starts before that, and it can eliminate a lot of problems
Never whine about being single, having bad luck, talking about how long has it been since the last time…
Ask direct questions with suspicious look (being single, age…)
Interpret things as she’s making a move on me.
Holding hands make women feel safe. Start holding her hand and stop, then start again.
Kiss test– if I touch her and she’s enjoying it that’s green light. Touch her hair and if she enjoys it look her eyes and then look at her lips. If she’s enjoying that, kiss her.
You can lean almost all the way in, stop and lean back- say “not yet.”
2 steps forward, 1 step back. Enjoy the process and the moment. Touch all over her body except those spots. She can’t stop me. Then I can pull back 1 step and relax.
Women enjoy the process more then men. I can also touch quickly those spots and slide my hands to other spots, so she can’t do anything about it.
Creating arousal- anticipation. She is visualizing that I will do something, but I haven’t done it yet so she wonders when I will.
Smell her neck and shoulders- she’s powerless to stop it, pulling her hair gently.
Bite her neck lightly, lightly touching her.
Breathing in her ear and whispering something.
Use them in combination!
Passionately taking things to extreme- sex, food…
Maybe don’t do anything thoughtful for her, but gathering information. On next visit get her those things (maybe 2 or 3) to get things to extreme. The key is unpredictability!
She wonders when the next thing is going to happen. I have to end every interaction, and end it on a high point.
Most times when guys have good conversation over the phone they don’t hang up until the conversation drains out and then awkwardly ask if they can call her tomorrow and hang up. Instead at a high point say I have to go. All memories will be on high point and anticipation will be build.
When men fail test, they lose composure, which is a nail in the coffin for the attraction.
Women need to figure out if I’m a real deal. If I lose my composure I’m done.
Nothing can upset me, I do not break under pressure. I always keep my cool.
Use every opportunity to demonstrate that I can keep my composure– in situations that nothing could happen anyway I can push her up against the wall, come close and say “not yet.”
Gone with the wind, George Clooney, James Bond…
People make 30 different judgments in first 30 seconds. Most men feel nervous and act the same as every other men and are just another link in a sausage chain.
Visual persuasion- Baker
Spend 2 hours in a bookstore where you can see romantic novels section.
Filters and amplifiers
Everything can be seen as filters (less likely to take next step, attraction) or amplifier (increases chances of success) for example confidence is an amplifier.
If you don’t start it in the beginning you will have problems to start it later.
Most people that want to dress cool, dress below average.
Everything communicates something- either good or bad. Consider everything or you will be sabotaging yourself. If you don’t think it’s important don’t think that women think the same way. They see it from a mile away.
Consider every area on my representation. Everything that I am convinced that I’m doing the right way, may be hurting me.
Emotional intelligence- marshmallow challenge
The more I have the ability to delay gratification the more gratification I can get.
Same goes for women, I can control myself. I can have women whenever I want them so just chill out.
Attractive is a physical characteristic, attraction is an emotion and a response.
If you’re not attractive, women can still feel attraction for you. Men can become much more attractive if they develop character, while women can with physical characteristics.
Build skill after skill, one level at the time.
- Start with starting a conversation with a woman in a clothing store (people that are payed to be nice with you.)
- Chat with women online anonymously.
- Then maybe get their phone numbers, then maybe approach them and ask them for phone number.
- Work on physical level.
Wherever I’m at is fine, just know what the next level is. Don’t be idealistic about where other guys are. Look at your success, say “nice” and go to the next level.
At each points it’s the man that has to take the risk of facing rejection. If you’re uncomfortable, nervous and interested she’ll know it. She will be disappointed if you didn’t go for the next level, but not so disappointed that she’ll do it herself, because if you didn’t have the courage to go for it you were not what she was looking for.
These decisions that a guy has to make are called bridges. They can be starting a conversation, first phone conversation, first date, first kiss… In those moments anxiety comes up and we feel like at each level we have more to lose. The paradigm that you can lose it all is what make us lose it. We need to transition, set up a situation so that that thing will naturally happen anyway.
Example: how could you set up a situation so that we would kiss automatically? Maybe I can get her aroused and she kisses me. Open my mind so that that thing that I want will happen automatically. Bridges that I can transition, I need to go for it! If I think that I will get rejected at those points is one way to truly get rejected.
The rules- why are they so popular? Because they work! But they work both ways!
They try to women feel like they have self-respect and morals, but it’s good mindset.
3 personal aha moment and actionable takeaways (put to action tonight)
How can you attract people to your reality if even you don’t like it?
Primal brain- fight or flight mechanism
From 100 000 years ago, when every beautiful female was protected by male that mate with her and with mates that are related to her.
Feel the fear and do it anyway- the fear isn’t going to go away, it’s about acting in face of fear
Clearing fear and anxiety
Think thru what’s the worst thing that could realistically happened.
Is it worth the risk of these things happening and what are the chances of that?
Can I accept the risk?
If I can’t accept it and take responsibility in case of that happening then it’s not a good idea to overcome that fear.
Guys growing up without a male figure (other culture have very physically and emotionally difficult tests that involve death, when the boy dies and a man is born.)
Death is coming. Go to the time that you will be dead and think about this moment.
Time line exercise
Imagine time that you see an attractive woman and you want to start a conversation with her and feel that emotion.
Float to a moment past that moment and look thru it into present moment. Now float to now again and see if the feeling is still the same.
You can also clear guilt by going back and seeing that situation from a different angle.
It’s like resetting emotions– you can use it even if you have fear of kissing a girl.
We live life in past and future- imaginary, instead of living in based on what’s going on around us in present moment. Invest your now so now becomes better.
The rest of the world wants you to be in the state of mind that they want you to be, but I need to be in present moment!
When two humans meet the primary question that is decided is who will be dominant. The more I become accustomed to winning the more I have that dominant body language and mindset.
If a leader is not successful a new leader will be born- with challenge. I must establish rules and I must stay in control 100% of the time, if not than 100% will slip to 99% and then 95%, later 90% and then I might end up without control.
Most women like being in a presence of a man that is control of himself, some control of situation and has the ball.
If she steps out of those rules he makes sure she knows he has the ball or that percentage will drop and attraction for him will drain out.
This is primal.
How do you make a person want something or don’t want something?
Influence- Robert Shaldine
We think that we figure it out, we think we made a choice.
Wanting- not having it, getting kills wanting
If you want someone to want something you can’t never let them have it completely.
Pretend that everything I learn before was wrong.
Have one default thing for each situation. If you at least do something your chances of success increase dramatically. Also we all do the same thing, while thinking it’s original.
Red and white balls- sometimes more red, sometimes more white
Don’t take one experience as a rule. Sometimes every experience will be great, sometimes everything will not be so great.
“Don’t be the guy that says 3 girls rejected me, there’s something wrong with me.”
Learn from failure, when it happens. If I can learn something no matter what the price was, it was worth it.
We often quit right before success or improvement. Successful people know that at that point success is right around the corner. When things get though they think “if this was so though to achieve it, it will really be amazing when I get it, because nobody else will go thru this.”
Go to the right location- where it’s natural to start talking to them. Where there’s less competition and distractions, where women are attractive and smart.
Know what you’re going to say and exactly how you’re going to say it.
Look at her as you start talking.
Say everything slow, pause often.
Start a conversation, make interesting comment about what’s happening, saying something funny, ask a couple of normal questions, maybe cocky and funny and then end the interaction so she doesn’t do it for me and say “I have to go back to my friends”, turn away and then turn back and say “hey, do you have email”?
She says yes and assume it as she’ll write it down. When she is writing say “make sure to write your number as well”. Don’t communicate that you’re in love or that you’re going to have a deep philosophical conversation with her. “Is that real number?”
Practice saying those words, and how you could respond to her every possible reaction.
Getting women to start talking to me
- saying something provocative to a friend- “I think all women secretly do that.”
- personal ads online
- teach something meatup.com
- position yourself as a master in a desirable area
- learn magic
- dance lessons
- become a part time bartender
- become a massage therapist, personal trainer
“Are you single? I have a friend that I think you’d really like.”
- “I’m sure every drunk guy and his 9 friends have been walking up to you, but you’re beautiful and I just wanted to find out what you are like.”
- “Can I ask you a quick question? You don’t mention your age, are you over 50?”
- “Hey can I ask you a quick question? Are you single? With a suspicious look.”
You don’t say I bet you have a boyfriend, you’re direct.
When she says yes, why? You can say “I know somebody that might like a woman like you” and hint that that person is me, and when she says and who might that be? You can say let’s go to Starbucks and I get tell you more about him.
- Ask for opinion on something- what’s a woman’s perspective on this.
Do you think that men understand what women want and need?
You are really…beautiful- pause
When you tease her you show that you’re not intimidated.
Don’t look like half like you’re scared and half like you want to stalk her. Be casual like she’s your best friend.
Don’t answer questions directly– part of her brain analyzes and think you’re boring.
Make up funny things, or ask question back.
I’m an ass model, you want to touch it? I’m in slave trading business.
Lose the idea of hiding your motives or picking her up.
Practice saying simple phrases with different voice tone and body language
in a week way, smooth way, dramatic way that creates tension and anticipation, in a way that says I want to get to know you better
- excuse me
- you’re beautiful
- you’re charismatic
The words are not the point.
Call her the next day, or 2 days later…waste no time, say you’re busy and don’t have a lot of time, but you want to meet her tomorrow.
“You know, you sound great and if nothing else, you could be a nice friend.” (I’m in control of myself) Start with tea and if it works it can lead to something else.
“Tea is great because if you are a psycho I can leave.” “Cancel your plans, I’m way more fun then whatever you’re doing.” Make her go somewhere with you and enjoy the experience.
Class and style
Knowing what I like that is socially acceptable.
When you first meet a woman there’s no connection between attraction and romance.
Later, romance can be very powerful, but too much romance too soon is no good.
The date- have her come to my place to starting
She thinks, “I’m in a stranger’s house, will he be weird?” Just say, “I’ll get a jacket and we’ll go.” Then later after you went out with her, it’s no problem to go back.
“You can’t bore a woman into feeling attraction for you.” When you’re out with her like in a store walk away from her for a while, don’t stand next to her all the time!
Communicate that you have your life.
I don’t need approval. Most men are super sized friendship models. When you want a friend you act nice, when they want a girlfriend they super size being nice.
When she says “I got a D in chemistry” say “Did you just said you got a D in chemistry? I only date smart women, I don’t know where this is going, maybe you can make it up somehow.”
My flows disappear when she tries to get my approval.
Continually raise your standards.
Never give her a direct answer, unless it’s a no. Words are just context, not the meaning that we give back and forth, so never make it predictable.
If she doesn’t like it say “I’m glad you like it.” I like it and whether or not you like it doesn’t matter, I don’t live my life to you and you’ll have to accept that.
Send mixed messages (kiss and then say “I think we should just be friends” and then kiss her again).
Spank her when she does something good. Push her off the second time she sits on your lap. Predictability is the enemy.
Set relationship correctly. Become more of a man. Woman that’s in my house is now my territory. It’s important that people feel safe, so if there’s anything just say- I’m in control.
She also has to follow these rules.
I have to choose everyday that I want to be there, I don’t want to waste my time and property and it has to be fun and honest.
“Are you going to flake out? How often does your car brake down and your cat gets sick?” If she says a lot say forget it and hang up.
Don’t allow second class behavior. People are at their best when they are around me.
Say “don’t do that, it’s not good for anyone” and then go on, don’t be her father.
I need nothing to be happy, and if I don’t enjoy myself I will walk away.
Say “I’m not having a good time, let’s just call it a night.”
As I’m learning and practicing I might stumble at times. Woman might get annoyed and controlling and less interested in sex. I am being less and less of an attractive man she met. Stop acting like a wussy, put some space between me and her and take responsibility. Get a life of my own and take my time to reflect on areas that I behaved as a girly man and stop it. Call her less than her.
If I blame her that’s not going to help me get what I want. Pull the needle out of my arm, stop being a wussy.
Men start thinking relationship stuff too early. They idealize it, attach too quickly. Be open to possibility, I will never open my mind to that for at least date 10.
Don’t see her more than once or twice a week, call her every other day, don’t be another one of her girlfriends.
Others will respect our time in how we set them up front. Don’t be afraid to lose someone because they want her to be the best for me.
The more I compromise the less attractive I become. If I ask what she wants I lose control, it’s hard to be a man, but it’s far better than being an alternative.
Monthly Interviews with Dating Gurus
Become Mr. Right
Deep Inner Game
Deep Inner Game
”Character is destiny!”
Gentleman ≠ gentle man; gentleman does not avoid conflict – acts comftarable
Sting – knowing your symbol, transforming it to mature masculine power
Welcome rejection – hearing and saying no
Do not tell every secret, share every emotion – do not let anyone in every room
Women can not stand secrets – romance books
Staying in prison or diving of a cliff (boyhood- manhood)
THE TREASURE IS HIGH CHARACTER – money, power… are side effects of high character
depression, illness, death
spending time: present – making decisions, action, using 5 senses; also intimacy
I should have done this = no observing ego ( I need it to grow)
Mature masculine power = observing ego+ mature boundary function + confidence
money < high character Four parts of character: -personal boundary -decision making power – free will -ideas, time management -managing emotional energy – building self esteem Facing death regret, fear piece – mission completed What do these people have? Success is reaching a goal, happiness is high self esteem Not every free person is happy (divorced man), not every successful person is happy (a lot of rich unhappy people). Happiness + success+ freedom = durable fulfillment Spectrums: Anxiety neutrality anger Uncomftarable emotion/energy (hearth) Confidence happiness well being Inflexible too confused Intellectual competence (mind) Lacking experience genious lacking education Problems that can not be solved with this: let them go for now Suffering is burning my emotional energy on the things I can not control. Competence= skills, beliefs, ideas emotional fuel competence suffering 0% control – the envirement, job, the weather, 100% in my control boundary other people, friends, strangers Anatomy of a problem Emotional hurts losses stress decision based lack of conscience lack of intuition feeling trapped PROBLEMS intellectual educational lack lack of experience failure and rejection Personal boundary = what do I control Every problem has a solution ; even if it is just letting go. Holes in my boundary : every time that I have trouble saying and hearing no (you make me angry, you are pushing my buttons…) Well defined identity – clearly defined things that I say yes to and things I say no to Being picky is well defined boundary. Setting a goal in someone else’s boundary is set to fail Jealousy- worrying someone will own more than me in the future Revenge- wanting to control the past Most precious thing is energy, because we all have same amount of time Book: The power of full engagement Perfectionism – hole in a boundary; thinking I already own something that I haven’t worked for – I do NOT own it yet. Biology (hardware) – medicine Psych (OS) – therapy, teaching Stress (me)- decision Use the right type of »fix« or you will create new problems Slim skin- sensitive nice guy ; holes in boundary Thick skin- somebody who has been hurt; wales in boundary (North Korea) Best boundary-doors- I decide what comes in and out with observing ego (like a border of a country) Destructive behavior- win-lose ; profit in short run Constructive behavior- win- win; strong intuition, growing, respecting ego »He made me angry« – now I am angry and that is my problem (it is in my personal boundary) -personal boundary- strenght -decision making- freedom -ideas, intelect- time -emotional energy- self esteem Those are the most valuable things, but they are also curencies Wuss takes bad deals for these currencies (hurts character) What is value? Independent>codependent
With codependency you feel bigger, but trapped. Someone is going to be a bully, happy and in control, the other one will be empty, sad, feeling bad when she’s doing something without him, asking for permission to go somewhere.
At the end of relationship the winner will get most of self esteem, loser will have small boundary and a fraction of self esteem.
Do NOT let negative energy in your boundary (hurt creates anger, loss creates anxiety), but after a big breakup it may come in even is you said no.
Story: Troy (wounds are valuable; knowladge)
Dreaming I reached a goal is suffering. Once I reach it I control it, it’s mine. Boundary increases, but the tank is not fuller, it does not fill self esteem.
The Count Of Monte Cristo:
Edmond Dantes – nice guy, weak boundary (believes everything), lack of confidence, idea of forgiving, needs dooes
Do not let envirement to control my life
Having a good day only if envirement is randomly good
“Your mind has you by the balls.” We are saying, thinking and doing the same things every single day thinking that we are in control!
Is the idea to be original and unique my idea, or is it factory made?
Stop trying to learn a trick for a quick fix, respect the whole mating process that you are a part of.
Do you think you are in control? Mostly not!
Ask yourself: “What should I do every day for the rest of my life?”
That habit would without any doubt make your life better! Why aren’t you doing that thing right now? Your old habits are controlling your behavior.
Start a little game: Make 1 year bet for 1-year salary (if you fail to do that valuable thing every single day that would improve your life dramatically and is simple to do, donate your yearly salary to someone that you hate. Could you do it?)
Stop for a second and reconsider everything that you are doing moment to moment every day. Is that really helping you and bringing you closer to what you want?
Don’t just learn tricks or you will never have a genuine relationship with someone that is “a ten.”
That woman doesn’t want the power, if you give her the power she will blame you for it, or she will be “annoyed at everything little thing you do” like leaving a tooth brush somewhere (that won’t be the true reason.)
Just quoting what smart people said without any behavior change is just a simulation! It’s just thinking everything is better, when it’s not!
“Mind myself in the program!” Learn, adopt, exercise, do it… and you will begin to attract great people. Stop fantasizing about it, that’s worse than wasting time (your issues & hesitation will actually become worse.)
Engage – uncross your arms, learn forward… don’t act like the cool guy that sits at the back and never does anything, that won’t help you improve.
“Learning is behavior change.”
Stop intellectualizing concepts and act – if it doesn’t work, throw it away, but never decide that it won’t work before you act.
We are asleep and have no control. We live in a simulation, not the actual reality and have a story for everything that happens to us. WAKE UP!
Change happens outside of comfort zone. To get outside the comfort zone, create a safe base and then face things directly.
The things that attract the best people are not what you think they are – instead of settling for a quick fix, TRANSFORM YOURSELF!
Man who is trying just to “get laid” is empty. A man who found his place and purpose is not.
Continually increase your challenge to increase your skills. Stop thinking there is a place where you won’t have to work anymore, forget about it.
“I haven’t discovered the way to get myself to do the things I need to do to get the success that I want.”
Answer these questions:
- What is my biggest challenge?
- Where am I blocked?
- Where am I getting too comfortable?
- Why am I doing this (trying to improve/transform)? What is my reason why?
I am willing to do this no matter what (make a promise) – it could take 5 minutes of my whole life.
Practice “being lived” – there are countless things happening inside me: heart is beating, breathing, blood is pumping… Pretend that the universe is pushing air to my lungs.
David Deangelo (Eben Pagan) was the boy who stood out when he went to a school dance while everybody else was dancing… but he did what it took to get to the next level!
What is the level of commitment that is required to change?
Constantly catch yourself when you are trying to go back to your own habits and patterns (for example deciding to take stairs instead of the elevator and then catching yourself when your mind is tricking you into taking the elevator “because you are carrying a heavy bag” which is often not true.)
- Change or die – Alan Deutschman (book)
- Think and grow rich – Napoleon Hill (book)
Make your success inevitable
- Set goals
- Solve problems
(use both of those methods to see what kind of a person you are.)
- INEVITABILITY THINKING – create it! Set up the conditions so that you will do the task automatically.
Milton Erickson solved a lot of his patient’s challenges using that thinking – suicidal people, alcoholics (if you want to kill yourself, just do this thing first, you are going to die anyway – then it would work and the problem was gone.)
If you can not get yourself to do something because it will hurt or is painful for you (working out, approaching people…) set up an even more painful punishment when you fail to do it.
That is how you get a leverage on yourself!
Most people say “I could do that if I wanted to…” They are making excuses and lying to themselves, DO NOT BE LIKE THEM.
Make a public commitment so that you absolutely have to do it then.
Throw your hat over the fence (so that you have to jump over the fence.)
If you want to change a habit:
- Start now
- Don’t deviate.
Personal evolution – I have to become “NOT me,” (identity change) some part of me must die. And this has to happen more than once. I have to let the old me die.
When I am outside the comfort zone I put other people out of their comfort zones and they hate it!
When I change, the things that they did to manipulate me stop working!
When you reach the end of the comfort zone you start making excuses, emotions are uncomfortable, and you even feel physical resistance, but if you face that resistance – you change.
Continuously get out of your comfort zone:
- Physically – stretch, take dance lessons, exercise (do something you haven’t done before)
- Emotionally – experience new emotions
- Logically – new belief systems, new mind maps, models of the world (learning new things…)
New behaviors create new neurons, which keeps your mind young, it’s an equivalent of relaxing your muscles.
Since getting outside your comfort zone requires you to do new things people might think you are crazy, it’s like the rush on the roller coaster – fear at first, then a natural good feeling when you have done it.
Will power is the most precious form of energy.
»Your mind has you by the balls, and your balls have you by the mind« (you’re out of control, you simulate reality, pretending you’re in control of your thinking and life, pretending you’re awake and that deep part of your brain and your balls are directing a lot of your thinking.) Once in a while when we’re awake, it’s too painful, and we repress it.
How many people needed to get together, meet and mate in order for me to be here?
There’s this drive when we want to communicate, that our comments are special, that we’re special and unique – maybe that desire to be unique, to be individual, is from the factory as well (that might be cultural conditioning).
So the first step is not to search for tricks, but instead have respect for this amazing ritual that we’re a part of.
(3 brain theory) When the reptile brain is seeking sex, I have no control (is concerned with survival, sex). We tell ourselves a story about how we wanted to do that, not that part of the brain.
Then you stack on top of that emotional part (which will create tension) – wants approval and acceptance, and is now connected with primal brain.
Am I mostly in control? What is one thing I should do everyday (that takes 30 minutes or less), but I’m not doing?
My morning ritual – start 20/8
Write out a check for 1 year salary to an accountability partner – I have to do it every single day (it will definitely improve my life) and I’m mostly in control.
I think we’re mostly not in control – our own old habit patterns of interaction, movement, emotions are controlling us. We can stop ourselves from doing something really stupid most of the time, but not in control consciously most of the time. Your power comes from your penis – you’re giving power away,
You think you’re in control, but why is your junk in her purse?
Even if you have the control, they’ll test you even harder to see if they can respect or trust you – they didn’t learn that in a book, but it’s a part of this ritual, it’s natural.
The more you’re in control, the more tests will come, and more evolved women will come. These women don’t like a guy that’s only about techniques, she’ll have a different persona with you doing things you don’t understand while you look for a technique to get past that.
That perfect 10 never wanted the control in the first place, if you’re not in control and seeking approval, she’ll start getting upset and you won’t know why (she’ll get anxious and nervous), and she’ll started to resent you (blaming the toothpaste).
Mind myself in the program – do the exercises.
If you don’t do that you will do something that’s worse than wasting time – you will get further from your goal, further from power and influence, others will be repelled.
Fully engage! Suspend argument and disbelief (don’t try to be the cool guy sitting in the back row not taking notes).
Learning is behavior change! It’s not accumulation of knowledge, understanding it intellectually (that might be even pushing you away from knowledge).
There’s no learning in being able to quote back something without behavior change; that’s is a simulation, thinking you’re a little more in control, when you’re not!
Stop intellectualizing and act! That’s just your emotional BS.
Don’t believe what Eben says, don’t doubt it either (Eben doesn’t believe anything anymore) – belief is a trap just as much as it’s liberation.
»Don’t believe in anything too much, there will always come a situation when it’s not true.«
Try it, play with it, experience it – if it doesn’t work, throw it out. Don’t just intellectualize about it and decide if you believe it true, that’s a wrong way!
Too many men said »that doesn’t make sense to me.« If it works, do it!
We’re asleep and don’t even know it
- We think we’re awake, but we’re asleep just as much as we’re in the middle of the night.
- We live in a simulation of reality that we created (and act on that) and lost touch with our experience.
- We have a story that shapes our perceptions and perspectives that came from a time that we don’t even remember (early imprints) and that’s our story on everything.
- Waking up, having more awareness, being more conscious with ourselves is the most important key with success.
- In order to change, we must get outside of our comfort zone.
- In order to get outside of our comfort zone, build a base of safety and security, that’s our foundation
- We must face that which makes us uncomfortable, directly.
- We must understand that attracting and keeping a total 10 requires a level of authenticity and honesty that we do not yet have.
- Things that attract and keep a total 10 are something you don’t know yet – you don’t know that you don’t know them. They require a new way of thinking!
- In order to develop yourself to keep a total 10, you must transform yourself. That’s beyond where you are, you can’t see a level above you.
Men who are interested only in sex, are empty and attract energy vampires, damaged women.
Men who enjoy women (flirting, having fun), and found their passion and path – attract a different type of women and have a different level of fulfillment.
Don’t settle for a quick fix!
Increase your challenge a little bit once in a while, then increase the skill. That’s the key to fulfillment, not retiring.
Biggest Challenges – most of them are external, situational, technique oriented or nominalizations.
The answers isn’t – »I haven’t discovered a way to do the things I need to do to get the success that I want.«
Take 100% responsibility to get to the next level. Where have I become comfortable, where it’s becoming dangerous?
I am becoming comfortable with money, not taking action, with social life and health.
As an experiment I will only measure results in behavior change.
Where would I want my life to be, but I don’t know how to motivate myself to get there? Where am I blocked? Why do I want to transform myself? There’s a moment in our lives when we say »I’m going to do this and figure this out no matter what it takes. What’s my reason that gets me to that moment? The rest of the stuff are just details – figure it out!
Being a full time mentor and Life Coach, who is healthy and muscular and has a lot of social proof.
Block – intellectualizing, not taking action, not following through with habits, having bad relationships with family, not having self-integrity, letting emotions drive me around, wanting to be entertained, afraid of what other people think.
Why – because I want to be extremely wealthy, healthy, a master communicator and have a lot of power and dominance.
I am going to figure out health, wealth and social skills no matter what – one hour/day and two rituals of entertainment/week with Urša, the rest is working.
Exercise – being lived (most of the things are happening without my control all the time – from emotions to blinking and blow flow), I am being lived. It’s just happening, we haven’t created any of it.
Keep practicing – air is being pushed into you by the universe.
Eistein – going for a walk, and instead of experiencing him walking, he was experiencing the Earth moving, while he was being still.
Breath in for 4 seconds, hold 4, breath out 8, hold 4 – focusing on breath, and still getting thoughts. Are you thinking or being thought?
3 areas of my life where I’m being lived? Didn’t want to admit or face it before. Like I’m a spectator.
- Habits – my ritual
- Business – I’m not creating content, searching for clients or moving forward in any way.
- Health – I’m worse off than a year ago
Transition from »can be, you have it« to »I«.
Who is the Real You? In the middle school dances, watching everyone else having fun, but not joining them – being the guy that stood back and didn’t get involved.
Change or die – most people don’t change their lifestyle even when we’re faced with death and we want to.
Stairs from 13th to 17th floor – it’s faster and better; if something is better for me, do that instead of watching entertainment that I used to do.
Making success inevitable – until now there was goal setting (main way of achieving something – Think and Grow Rich) and problem solving (book – stop setting goals if you’d rather solve problems); we need both things.
Affirmations and goal setting is great if you can get yourself to do it, but it’s not that easy to change behavior.
Problem solving is wonderful – can make a lot of gain for you.
How can I make it so that the outcome I want to achieve is inevitable?
Milton Erickson – if you have a drinking problem, walk 5 miles to the liquor store for one drink and walk back. He didn’t say resist it, imagine yourself doing something else… no! He set up the circumstances, so that what he wanted to have happened, happened automatically.
Suicide – take all the money and spend it on yourself to make yourself more attractive. She spilled the water on the guy that she found attractive and now they’re married.
What’s something that you can’t get yourself to do it? What’s something that would be more painful than that – set it as a punishment! That’s what Tony says; getting leverage on yourself!
“I could do that if I wanted” – that’s not admitting what we could or couldn’t do, we excuse ourselves from making ourselves do. That prevents us from getting the leverage on ourselves.
Throw a hat over the fence, so you climb the fence.
Mentors help, masterminds (see other people having challenges and overcoming them), reference groups (most people are not in groups improving their lives), leverage (rewards and punishments for yourself – it’s so hard to put accountability for yourself), with religion you first publically announce transformation; use that, publically announce what you’re going to do (use reward and penalty; you’ll hate everything and everyone for a while, but eventually you’ll have a habit)
What’s something I need to make inevitable for myself? (I’m going to do whatever it takes – whatever conditions); growing and eating healthy food (state of mind is the most important)
Great power of the mind is our ability to focus on one thing – and we’re screwing it up.
The higher the priority, the earlier in the day – diminishing intent (starts to suck your time and energy)
It’s not important to do a ritual that once and you’re tempted to skip it (if you see 10 year picture), what is something you can do that will make it sure you’ll do it even then? (Can be reward or punishment; something a little better or something that’s less compelling, so you do it).
Hat over the fence – be specific.
“If you want to change a habit there are two laws – start now, and don’t deviate.”
In order to achieve different things, you need to do things that are “not you” – some parts must die, and you have to continue to become “not you” as long as you want to grow.
This is the only way to change long-term; don’t cling to the old you.
Consciously tense and then relax muscles; same with our self-image – let go off old you, let it die.
An idea of who you are is just a map you put in there, it’s really not who you are, it’s a simulation.
Other people don’t like it when you’re out of your comfort zone, because others are outside as well. When you change, the things that they do to manipulate you, stop working.
When you get to the edge of the comfort zone your mind comes up with reasons why you shouldn’t do it, emotions become strange, physically you become uncomfortable and want to get away; most people stay in this zone, they have a million reasons why to stay there and they sound very convincing.
When you step out, you get a breakthrough, it’s not bad as you think, confidence increases; something good happens, but we need to face the resistance to get there. Continually and habitually (physically, emotionally and mentally) get out of your comfort zone.
You know whether you’re intention is good or bad, and if you escaped the zone in a healthy way; be secure about your decisions, don’t be insecure.
Learning new things that lead to new behaviors – they lead to neuro genesis; new connections in the mind. Just reinforce them, by doing it again, so the mind takes that path automatically. You can keep generating new neurons for the rest of your life. And that keeps you feeling young. When you don’t do that, your mind feels old, it habituates.
If you keep doing new things, other people will think “you’re crazy” and you have to be, only crazy people get out of your comfort zone. But that’s good because eventually they’ll accept you; “he just does that all the time.”
Rock stars lives outside of the norms all their lives, they’re unapologetically crazy.
When you want to do that, fear starts to come in, when you cross the comfort zone – rush comes in, like on the roller coaster. Once you do it, there comes a natural feeling of satisfaction.
Do something that’s not “you.” You can choose something you would never tell someone.
We win when we continually get out of the comfort zone – the moment will come, I will reach critical mass and feel like I’m a different person, gone to the next level.
Behavior change is tough.
One of the reasons why is because we have to focus our will power; it’s the most precious and rear form of energy.
Will is ability to get ourselves to do something that we wouldn’t normally do. We do the same things every day – same thoughts, same emotions and same behaviors; and because they’re in a different order, we got them under control. Will power lets us change, but we get very little of it, and we usually burn it on things that don’t help us.
Just by repressing emotions you’re burning your power and you’ll do a worse job mentally – can’t focus, because they used it already.
When we’re having negative energy, we’re burning it fast AND inefficient. Being aware is the most precious state we have; I’m alive and I won’t be alive for very long.
We need to use that will power to create rituals – eventually a mind takes over and it becomes the thing that you do automatically. You need to admit to yourself that you won’t be able to do it in the moment, you need to do it in advance, practice.
“I have to remember to do it next time” never works, you need to practice it consciously.
We need to be aware that we’re machines that do things automatically, and we need to create habits.
What prevents us from doing that, it’s guaranteed that it would change my life… because there’s not enough awareness; we push things away, we don’t see it with correct perspective.
Be aware of the games that you’re playing with yourself and others (don’t deflect it). Be grateful for awareness.
Notice things that burn your will power- people, emotions…
For behavior change you need to know clearly what the outcome will be that you want. Make it specific, measurable and result oriented (not rich, but having a million dollars in cash 10 years from today) – you need a reason why (the why learning style – 30% of people).
Usually you want things because they provide you certain feelings. Imagine outcomes that you want – the mind is the Google for goals (huge servers and algorithms give you exactly what you search for, it’s more powerful than Google; specific outcome, then visualize it until it becomes second nature so that map in your brain changes, RAS fires up and starts to pay attention to those things). It takes a little longer than Google to really register and I have to repeat it over and over until it starts pulling you towards it (Think and Grow Rich).
Future Pacing & Anchoring (NLP)
Man Transformation Bonus
Communicates that this is a man that knows how to take care of business, knows how to get a job done.
Becoming self-sufficient successful man – that is how you get influential; it will help in all areas and it will attract amazing people into my life.
It’s very important to know your why. What’s the outcome I want? The better I can describe it and how it will make me feel, more likely I will get it.
Review, affirm and visualize the outcome a minimum daily.
Thoughts are things, Think and grow rich.
Rewrite goals everyday– they get clearer and sharper.
Thoughts create reality. Visualize the things that you want to achieve first.
Your thoughts will affect how you see things, emotional states and beliefs will determine your actions.
What is value? – Rhetorical question to reflect on. Value isn’t money.
We are asleep financially and accept money for value. Money is the lowest intrinsic value form that value can take.
Intrinsic value (within itself) – look what has value, and not what represents it. How do I figure out what the intrinsic value of an item is? How could you trade sugar for electricity? We can print more money and we cause inflation.
How do people value things? A different process is running through head of a golfer buying a golf ball then through a mother buying a tomato.
There’s utility value, sentimental value, emotional value…
Story: monkeys and money
Money is made where value is created. You don’t want to keep everything in money.
Focusing on how you can get more money is a waste of time.
Figuring out how to create and give massive value is the right path.
The infinite justice mechanism (biggest obstacle to success)
We want fairness and justice on every transaction that we make. We want at least 50% or more! We will waste time, effort and relationship or it’s a moral issue!
- Trying to figure out how to get a million people that would give you 1$.
- Then you try getting rich quick fix
It didn’t fail because of the system, it didn’t work because we wanted more than was ours.
- Then we get a job and get 7$ per hour and hate our boss.
- When we think we know more, we get on our own and lose all the money.
- Then we get our old job back it appreciate it, and that’s where most people get stuck and they were so close!
The next level: how can I get $100 of value to a million people, so they would give me $10 back?
It’s obvious, but if you want it fair on each transaction you won’t get there – charge 10% what you think the value is.
When you finally wake up and a river of value is running right before your eyes, you wonder “where has this been all my life”?
Perfect the art of creating and giving value to as many people as you can without wanting to get anything back.
Overcome that bad feeling of seeing that bastard across the table getting 99$ while you get 1$ over and over again, smile and say “I created value.”
If I help enough people to get what they want, I’ll eventually get what I want.
Shifting from getting to creating and giving. Focus on what other people find valuable, and not what I find valuable.
- Whatever you’re trying to sell, make sure that the person that’s trying to buy it has strong emotional desire (pain+ urgency)
- Make sure that prospect is proactively seeking for solutions.
- They have few or no perceived options (no competition)
- Get away from the features (the thing) and get to the benefits (what will it do).
- Turn stuff off to imagine what it’s like to be them (empathy, compassion)…
Learn marketing and selling
If you’re not marketing or innovating you’re blowing money. Spend at least one year of your life selling (the best sales people ask “What do you need?”)
(Book) Spin selling- Neil
Two abilities of a successful salesman- the ability to qualify a buyer better and build trust faster (same for dating.)
Ask questions to see what they want, then when you know express benefits.
Then spend at least 1 year on marketing
(Book) Scientific advertising and My life in advertising
Endorsed marketing- get a person that already has trust of your buyer, add value to those people- “I know how to raise your sales by 20%. If I do it, maybe we can work together.”
Two types of proof: Proving to myself, or seeing somebody else doing it.
Move the free line– show them valuable things for free (best stuff) and then when they buy, show them more.
The essence of selling and marketing is value! Show free stuff+ testimonials of other people (proof)
Reference Group– hang out with people that are more successful
No great power and success will be accumulated without a mastermind (a reference group of success minded people)
Give high status people value with expecting nothing back. Do it years in advance.
Only hang out and build relationships with superstars in every aspect of life.
You make yourself strong first, then you can help others.
You can even volunteer for them, whatever it takes!
Key skill- organizing different people into a whole
Two big mistakes– hiring people that you like, hiring people that are like you.
All great power is accumulated through organizing huge groups of people
Great manager integrates the team, knows what they’re doing and doesn’t make all the decisions. Encourage them, support them, and align their desires with yours. Especially if you’re working with superstars. What they’re contributing is more valuable than money.
You help them, and realize they might get past you someday.
You want to find people with massive potential and help them become incredibly successful!
Know what everybody’s doing and help them. Say “They did it all.”
Drivers– they pick projects up and they drive it to compilation
Difference between effort and results. They will call you again and again, they want to get the job done.
2 things matter: passion + record of successfully driven projects to compilation
The superstars do it for the impact, not for the money. They want to see how what they’re doing is impacting business, world, relationships… be a superstar.
Stop the lottery thinking and searching for the quick easy money, and start creating value, build relationships with superstars and be a driver.
Health is the ultimate way to leverage my time, relationships and success in life. Nothing will give me as high return investment as health.
The healthier I get the better the quality is of my whole life and every ability that I can do.
It can start getting better right now and it’s available to all.
Working on health, hanging around with interesting people… free time just has a better quality than being in a fast food restaurant and hang out with lame people.
The more time we invest in renewal and getting the success – more the quality of life increases.
We think about doctors, hospitals and being sick when we think about health, not about feeling great.
Health and wellness is natural state of the human body.
Create healthy rituals that support my natural health and wellness.
Pursuing the peak health can be the most fulfilling thing I can do- I get to know myself, I relate to myself… but I need to see past my brain programming and stickers on food.
If I had to do my own research and ignore what everyone around me says, what would I eat?
My body knows what to do to heal and renew, and I don’t. 99% of natural processes can’t be controlled consciously.
If molecules don’t have the resources or are stressed out, they can’t protect me and do their job. All I can do is support them and give them the resources.
Structural stress (physical pressure) – I unconsciously stress my muscles: I have to release it consciously, because there is a part of my brain that is holding it up and so I am using a part of my brain and part of my body
Eustress (positive stress) – no pain no gain, enjoying stressing body once in a while. Both parts are needed- stressing and resting
When structural and emotional stress both show up that’s when anxiety and depression come up.
Stress = weight
Get your stress under control! Make negative relationship and work go away! Also get rid of negative influences.
You can see how successful you will be when you look at 5 people that are close to you.
Everything you hear or see is being recorded inside your mind-TV news which have 13 negative and 1 positive news. Everything you will see will be through a lens of negative emotions and drama.
Worry is a problem- open loop, unfinished business. Fix it or will tear you down!
If it’s out of my circle of influences dismiss it immediately. Get enough sleep!
A little burst of stress is fine once in a while. It’s the sustained stress, that’s the problem!
Full Cycles- no Grey Zone
- Water, wait 30 minutes, eat food, wait a couple of hours, water…
- Fully asleep, fully awake- don’t be part asleep and then awake, but no engaged
- Flex, relax muscles- don’t clench unconsciously
- exert and renew
First thing in the morning- half liter of water (your body is most dehydrated) and then before every meal half more liter. Eat a small meal every 2 and a half hours.
Food that we eat is more likely to have nutrition similar to carton box then a healthy meal of vegetables and fruit.
Why we eat?
Most of us are asleep when we’re eating. We eat what tastes good, believe the store that says it’s healthy and make up stories that it’s healthy.
We rationalize why it’s good for us, because a billion dollar corporation told us it’s healthy, because they figured out what tastes good, so we can eat more of it.
So, will I eat for entertainment, comfort or health?
3 time frames of food:
- the now- instant gratification (how enjoyable is the food to eat- physical pleasure)
- 3 hours- energy period (having focus, feeling amazing)
- the rest of your life- long term health and wellness
Most people want everything in now– it has to taste good, I have to enjoy eating, but then we have low energy and it’s bad in the long term.
Enriched is a terrible word for food! Avoid heavily processed food.
Perception is everything- that big red tomato is not from the garden. Marcola.com
Raw, whole & organic as possible.
They found out what tastes good (salt, fat and sugar), and threw everything else away, mixed it up and it tastes amazing, your body thinks it’s good and wants more, but it’s terrible for you.
If you eat something raw you have to chew and it doesn’t taste so good.
Exercise- means body-use, consciously use your body
The body is made to move. The body balances itself when it’s moving.
Use all your body systems:
- Digestive system- chew your food, don’t drink with meals, and allow body to digest before you eat any food or water. When you eat snacks you cause stress.
- Immune system, lymph system (carries stuff around while you’re moving, or getting a massage)
- If you experience strong negative emotions for 20 minutes it disables your immune system for a whole day.
- Cardiovascular system and respiratory system- breath deep to get more oxygen to your cells
- There’s a blood vessel for every 5 cells in the body, amazingly architected- stretch and move around.
- Musculoskeletal system good posture (there are blood vessels inside your bone), stretch
- Brain and nervous system- get different perspectives, learning, writing coordinates all these things together, conscious relaxation (relaxing eye muscles, sinking while waiting 1000 pounds, consciously flexing and letting go)
Half liter of water, cleaning teeth, half hour stretching and exercise, meditation, reading priorities in life, now you’re ready!
4 action steps:
- remove sources of negative stress
- perfect sleeping environment and ritual
- plan your meals to get 10 in energy and long term
- personal success ritual as first thing in the day- make me strong
Organization-a process of organizing things into a whole.
Time management is a misnomer, the challenge is managing myself (7 habits of highly effective people)
Eliminating distractions and interruptions. They are trying to eliminate my sustainable success (checking email more than 10 times, text messages…) I am not efficient that way, there is no clear focus.
The inner butterfly effect (little causes creating big effects) – when a thought comes into my mind and it creates more thoughts, emotion from outside creates more emotions and more thoughts and I become distracted- we live in an illusion, thinking we’re in control.
“What can you do when you have distraction and interruption built inside?”
You need to recognize what the triggers are, so you can avoid the things that trigger it (set up environment, relationships…) and if it happens, see it happen and go in another direction. Create a daily plan.
Turn off all email alerts, Facebook alerts- it takes 20 minutes to get to the same place that you were, before you were interrupted.
The best ability of the mind is to focus on one thing for a long period of time. Do not become addicted to distraction.
Turn everything off! Focus on the person or whatever you’re doing, not on the phone.
“Are you REALLY so weak, that a piece of technology owns you?” – looking at it every time it beeps…
Schedule interruptions– pick times when you are allowed to be interrupted.
Addicted to your struggle (“there are always urgent stuff that I must do” – call back, email back)
People then think that I’m available all the time and get the power. Don’t do that!
Multitasking is inefficient –schedule interruptions all at once, but once it’s over, it’s over!
Focused Blocks of Uninterrupted Time
Peter- The effective executive
Work in focused uninterrupted blocks of time; 90-120 minutes or more – then rest for 30 minutes (Ultradian rhythm). You start building the focus muscle and lose the need to be distracted.
There’s a state called Flow (intellectually engaged) or The Zone (physical) and emotional enjoyment. The more time we spend in that state, the quicker we get to the next level, to become a better person. Focus that time and effort on your biggest opportunities.
Clean focus– when you focus on one thing, without other things involved (light bulbs vs laser beam focused, which can cut thru metal) it can become clearer every day.
Friction, interruptions, open loops, unfinished business and conflicts can rob us of clean focus. It’s easy to commit to something, but it’s harder to do it, also robs you of energy.
Clean cuts– when we stop doing one thing, but don’t stop it completely, we blend into something else. We have to cut doing one thing completely and go to the next thing.
Change channels- walk away from working on one thing to exercise and change from logical to physical channel
Engage physical, emotional and mental channel at least once a day.
(Book) – The power of full engagement
We think that we’re in control, but 99% of our thoughts and actions are habits that we have. We think about the same things every day, over and over again.
We do it unconsciously – we have to consciously create rituals
Focus will power on the new ritual you’re creating.
It takes 30 days to create a new habit.
When you start, everything feels great, but soon resistance goes straight up. The gravity of your old habits will do everything to keep you there, so you need speed to escape velocity.
Defiance- go against, has negative emotion to it 10 days
Resistance- 10 days
Acclimation- 10 days
Then you reach the tipping point- instead of pushing yourself, you feel yourself being pulled and you become comfortable, everything is easier. Make sure you get thru this 30 day cycle! Your first habit must be a success to get good emotional reward for it – fast success.
External motivation can be very powerful- rewards, punishments, leverage
When you’re aware you think it’s easy- I’m just going to do this thing
When it’s time to do it, another part shows up and you feel resistance. You still need to do it!
Willpower- if I create 12 new rituals in a year, what’s my life going to be like?
The morning is the best time to work on the new ritual– before your mind triggers on everything else you’re working on.
Emotional ritual- talking with someone that I care about, contributing…
The 20 minute break- Ernest Rosie
The Ultradian rhythm- there are 300 natural rhythms (blinking, hearth rate, day night rhythm circadian rhythm)
We’re on 90-120 minutes, then we have down time for 30 minutes.
The 60-60-30 solution
There are a lot of systems that I need to put together. It will not be optimal for every single system, but make it optimal for the overall system.
120 minutes up time, then 30 minute to chill out.
Instead of respecting our rhythm, we have coffee and burn ourselves out. We need to rest, because our natural rhythm has down time.
In 30 minutes stretch, breath, have a small meal and take a nap.
The best tennis players use 30 seconds between the match to change the channel and to disconnect from tennis, while other players we’re going “Bring it on!” without disconnecting.
Get a timer! After 50 minutes stop! Switch channels, rest…
Stand while you work, you feel stronger, sitting is bad.
Do 4 sets of learning every day, think about the productivity you’ll have! (4 times 90-120 minutes of focused blocks of time).
It’s very important to take these breaks! It boosts productivity. Work on one thing at the time.
More productivity you get, more productivity you learn to have!
Do what you love the most and take it to the best opportunities, we all have talents.
Develop a talent and transform it into a skill and you have strength. Now you’re disciplined and you have major leverage!
Persist making action on that thing!
Unique ability – do it for 10 years and you’ll be a genius (in that area).
Renewal system – body does it automatically
Proactive renewal is critical – you’re tuning up, getting better each time or you get broken.
Take 2 days off and go enjoy yourself. And do it in clean focus, don’t think about work.
Every 90 days get away for a week.
Throughout a day, weekly for 1-2 days and every 90 days for a week renew yourself physically (sleep), emotionally (repair relationship, laugh, cry, spend time with people you like) and mentally (relax, play an instrument, zone out – no TV, no thinking).
On Being A Man
Love The Final Chapter
77 Laws Of Success With Women & Dating
- Accept everything the way it is. Now you can change!
- Take responsibility, do not blame others.
- Go work on yourself, not people. Change yourself and the results will change.
- Evict your Inner Wussy, kick it out!
- Build a powerful capable self-image that you love.
- Move your frame of reference inside.
- Stop making identity meaning out of external events.
- Eliminate failure by learning from it.
- Compare your progress and success only to yourself, not to others.
- Evolve constantly-always seek the next level. Gift: There are unlimited levels.
- See yourself as “high status”, help others!
- Stop apologizing (know when to break it.)
- Stop seeking approval!
- Stop giving approval in order to get it (liars committing suicide.)
- Stop trading status for approval – high status for love
- Untangle past, present, future… physical, logical, emotional… short, medium, long-term gratification. Fear of something and the actual event and other non-useful combinations.
- Surround yourself with success models, whether they be in person, in books, on audio or on video.
- Know your purpose or path in life and stay on it! Man who chases two rabbits catches no one.
- Travel! Escape your bubble.
- Every day find your center, become centered, then make yourself the center. Aware your body, meditation, world is my reality.
- Focus on the core skills and your inner game, the techniques will take care of themselves.
- Accept and embrace transition anxiety as an opportunity to see things from a beginner’s perspective automatically.
- Learn to enjoy the process of learning more than the actual result of learning.
- Teach others every great thing you learn immediately.
- Never whine, bitch or complain….ever!
- Objectify your demons so you control them instead of them controlling you.
- Become selfish so you can become generous. Make yourself important first so you can give a lot to others.
- Surround yourself with success models, while eliminating failure models. Get negative person at their best!
- Keep doing what works and stop doing what does not work.
- Maintain your composure at all times! When everyone is freaking out I become calmer.
- Prove to yourself over and over that you can deal with “rejection.”
- Learn to sacrifice short-term gratification for long-term success.
- Learn how to always enjoy yourself no matter what is happening around you.
- Value yourself and your time more than any person.
- Develop your awareness.
- Learn to control your emotions.
- Become unbelievably hones, authentic and blunt when it is time to be direct.
- Learn to identify social status by communication and body language Also always connect to the leader of the group.
- Become an expert on your own self-deception habits.
- Balance learning, practicing and doing. Perfect practice makes perfect (more details, tuning…)
- Constantly improve yourself!
- Stop projection your strengths and weaknesses onto others.
- Eliminate destructive or negative habits and replace them with positive useful ones.
- Recognize when you are losing control of yourself and stop!
- Make your territory yours.
- Stop idealizing women. They make mistakes.
- Stop idealizing relationships.
- Let her problems be her problems.
- Do not try to control her by supporting her or giving her money.
- Stop trying to impress women.
- As you learn pay attention to every detail of your personal hygiene, dress, style, posture, voice tone… Until it has reached the level of “unconscious competence!”
- Eliminate every nervous tick, gesture, facial expression and unconscious response to challenges from people.
- Make yourself into the most interesting person anyone has ever met.
- Set up your life so you are constantly meeting interesting attractive available women automatically.
- Behave as if you have 100 women calling you every day.
- Do not behave in a boring or predictable way.
- Learn how to tell an interesting story about anything.
- Learn how to use cocky comedy.
- Make friends with attractive women by becoming a guy that women like being around.
- Learn how to turn a women on mentally, emotionally and physically.
- Learn the entire mating process of humans in details.
- Learn how to read situations before acting or communicating.
- Tease in every way.
- Be honest, ethical and authentic always!
- Let a boundary as soon as possible (don’t do that anymore).
- Look past the content to see the true meaning of what is going on.
- Engage her emotions and body, not her mind. Tell stories, start touching.
- Turn everything into an adventure.
- Convince yourself that what is about to happen is going to be unbelievably fun, then convince her of it.
- Always act and communicate in a way that leaves her wanting to know more, feel more and do more (when you tell her something great, tell her more next time, when you do something fun say you have to go at the A point…)
- When you hit a challenge or a setback go back to the basics.
- When you find yourself losing a woman stop, step back and wait until she comes to you- pull the needle out of your arm immediately.
- Always have three female friends around you that are very similar to the type of women you want to meet.
- When you find something she really likes stop, pull back and make her want it before you tease her with a little more.
- Learn how to make conversations interesting for women.
- Learn how to become a “renaissance man” and become one!
Approaching Women And Starting Conversations
Your objective is not fitting in, being nice, impressing her, getting her approval
Your objective is attraction
Trigger attraction response with body language, it’s the most important aspect.
Also know what to do with your hands.
Dependence is not attractive quality. Most men communicate that they are dependent.
Don’t follow others right away, do your thing often, don’t do what everyone else is doing.
Give yourself permission to be cool. Cool changes over time.
Overcome embarrassment of learning what cool is. You can be a fashion copycat.
Fashion is connected to body language. Overcome the fear of thinking you’re weird for trying to be cool. You may want to find other friends. If less cool friends make fun of you, that’s their insecurity coming out.
Cool is between “square” and “counter culture” There’s some class and wildness at the same time.
Leading man in movies were cool over the history (Clark Gable- Gone with the wind, James Dean…)
Status is about knowing who the boss is.
Being perceived as higher status as others in the interaction (I would do anything, can I please buy you a drink, you are beautiful-lower status guys, attraction level drops).
Status is connected with attraction. Pay attention to higher status people– wealthy people, celebrities, rock stars…
They carry themselves that way; they are the leading part of society.
Book: Dangerous man and adventurous woman
Lady Chatterley’s Lover
Sexual Threat (Power Sexuality) part of that is exciting
Sexually aggressive male– SAM (not violent, no bad ethics)
Message is that I am a dangerous man to a woman that is alone with me, but I want her.
That body language that attracts single women, but bothers men. You can’t please everyone, make a choice!
The purpose isn’t about pleasing others.
I think I’m high status and comfortable with you, move your head slightly back, lift your eyebrows and say “hey, waddup?” – start doing that all the time!
Don’t smile when you introduce to men. Don’t give ANY power away.
Don’t lean forward, lean back. She needs to lean forward, wanting more… That is a good sign!
Approval seeking and approval giving
Touch, smile, lean forward, nod, going along with what they’re doing, matching them, pretending that you’re getting good emotions with what they’re doing- giving approval
Laughing at yourself, making yourself smaller, raising submissively eyebrows-seeking approval
Approval keeping (not giving it)- crossed arms, keeping same posture, straight face, lost interest, slow movements, fixed eye contact, looking away while talking…
Most guys think they will get approval if they’re giving it- with body language and words in every interaction with smiling. You need to stop doing that! Recognize when woman is keeping approval.
You have to keep approval as well for example if she drops a fork don’t say: “Don’t worry, I will pick it up I do it all the time.”
You can pick it up like a gentleman without making excuses and seeing it as an opportunity to get her approval.
Project your Self-Image thru body language. Do not give attractive women special treatment.
A useful trait must be hard to fake, but easy to read.
Signals to practice
- Strong secure eye contact- do NOOOT LOOK AWAY and then look back! Women say that they know a lot from their eyes- a lot of that comes from not looking away
- Dominant relaxed posture and walk. If you feel weird, it’s because you don’t see yourself that way.
- Slower than usual movements and gestures.
- Not self-conscious demeanor (self-conscious demeanor is nervous, thinking you will screw up) – care free, detached from the outcome, general indifference, secure, calm cool and collected
- Sexual Threat
Human Mating Sequence (Power Sexuality)
She will not ask you if you know it. She will go thru it with you and if you don’t know she will stop, if you know she will proceed.
You need to screw up, get some experience.
Don’t try to act like a girl and think it will do some work for you-mirroring, matching voice tone-you’re like me, I like you! That may work in business, it does NOT work in attraction!
Allow her to orient to you. Most men look for cues to her- how to behave, what to say. The woman will lead the show. If she changes body language, he changes his. Don’t do that! Do the opposite.
Body language is a projection. Your knowledge, self-image, high status are all projected in that.
Composure– don’t let insecurities, self-consciousness slip out at any time.
When two dominant guys bump to each other and make eye contact you know something bad will happen. They don’t want to look away, they are not wussies.
What if the same thing happens with man and woman and man looks away? She’s more dominant instantly.
If pupils are small she does not want to take information, if the pupils are big she likes you.
You can also tell if people give you genuine smile with eyes- they have to laugh with eyes as well.
(face lights up)
Book: Julius Fast- Sexual Chemistry
The man who can’t sustain eye contact is a washout.
Eye Contact exercise: noticing how fast you blink, pupils…
Hold it more than natural. Who is trying to make eye contact with who? If she tries that’s good.
She will become more self-conscious and insecure when she becomes more attracted.
If she feels she’s the one that’s powerful she leans back, that’s different than when she’s attracted.
She spends a lot more time, effort and money to get to the face of set it and forget it (looks).
There is difference between her being dominant and acting sexual.
First words and voice tone
Practice which women are available
They are usually set up in a routine, available girls make more jokes, banter, engage, move around more.
When you meet her: Take more room, lean back, maybe check her out, don’t orient yourself to her, be the chooser, start communication and let her come to you. She must follow you, instead of you going there and she running away.
Stay strong until she’s gone. Don’t chase her.
Book: Touching- Ashley
Lead her physically
Shake- “you can tell a lot from the handshake”
Offer hand again; if she gives you a handshake say “you like me”.
Pushing her in the bush, like she’s your younger sister, bumping her, squeezing her knee.
Don’t pay so much attention to what she’s saying, more to what she’s doing (she’s saying stop it, but she’s laughing).
Walking on the outside of the curb, pull her in close to you. If a physical threat comes up, switch the order so you walk between her and threat.
Take her hand, lead her out.
Stop nervous habits- fidgeting…
Stop staring at the floor like you’re sad. Look up if you have nowhere to look.
Comfort, dominance, security, status, sexual awareness, control…
Emotional circuitry is the same for every guy. I am a biological machine that has wired to survive and replicate.
I only have 30 000 days. I need to learn a lot faster!
Is emotional circuitry leading me to where I want?
Some people have better game plan. Everybody has value for us. Have a high serve value to others and search for people who have high serve value for you.
When you meet her you need to attract her (raise value-what do you have to offer, you need more than begging), then you need to build comfort and then seduce her.
Comfort is lack of discomfort.
Trigger attraction switch by having pre- selection! Walking with girls.
Locking is also good, or hugging a friend while talking (like friend is your little brother).
Between sets smile., when you approach smile-but don’t keep it!
Going for one woman will get you none, going for 10 will get you 10.
The hottest girls are at the loudest bars, music protects them from losers-they can dance.
When you lock in it will seem like girls want your attention instead of other way around.
IOI- leaning in, asking for name (don’t tell her without her asking for it and giving you IOI), pulling her in, touching, she tells you a story, licking lips and watching yours…
IOD- looking past you, turning away…
It takes about 7 hours from meeting her to sex- but it’s about natural escalation, one thing at the time.
Comfort- hand holding, arm in arm, holding, holding hands while walking, kissing (yes it’s comfort building!), French kissing (make your thong louse), neck biting. She has to be comfortable with each of these steps.
Building comfort while talking about something else.
You have to begin kino escalation from 3 minutes of meeting her! You will never get in the friend zone.
Don’t grab it, just touch while sliding your hand- she can’t take it away.
We are made for small tribes, that’s why we are afraid. Out of 100 women in our tribe, 5 are beautiful, if you blow it with one, she can tell to other 4 and you will never have sex.
That’s not true anymore!
If she doesn’t want to take her panties down (last minute resistance) and says no, pull your pants on and get to the beginning-out of arousal state and say I understand. Then she will want to seduce you.
Steve and Eric
Your thoughts effect your body language and reactions.
Exercise – negative thoughts (be gone)
Book: a peaceful warrior within
Internal dialog- when you have an inside dialog look at her and see 3 dots, one is left and the other is right. Dialog shuts off.
Lick lip technique-practice
My house! How would you stand if this was mine? You make everything done.
Don’t lean in, move mouth or lips in a weird way, misuse of eye contact (talking the winners way), looking to other guys to see what to do next, waiting something to happen- women see you and don’t like it, lift your chest up and you drinks down
Don’t look around, no one will approach you, instead have a good time with your company.
Head up at all times! Lifting the chest! Take up a lot of space, kick your feet up, put your arms back.
Don’t wave at girls you know, make a strong eye contact or give them a serious look (flirting), hide your face like you want to avoid her.
High five, cheers… physical contact
Don’t worry about women body language. Take care of yourself first and women will follow.
It’s always on. She picks up on the hesitation.
Making her work to be facing you. They respect what they work for.
Say staring contest and do it after 30 seconds.
Putting her arms around her-alpha, holding hands, sitting with her, sitting on laps, watching movies, pulling her hair, spanking, dancing moves, bumping, drawing a line on the floor.
7 day solution:
Imagine that camera is on you 24/7 and a woman that you like will see and make an impression of you. You would not crack knuckles or be slouched.
In every interaction is a person that reacts less then others- higher status. You only react to people with higher value or people who are a threat to your status.
Learn to calibrate
A woman can pick up that you’re seeking reaction from her (she’s higher status if you do that). If you do something deliberate it will not work, if you do it without caring about the outcome it will work. Do not try to get a specific outcome.
Don’t try to be a cool guy, taking up space- it’s obvious are creepy. It has to look legit.
If you talk over your shoulder- are you acting weird or do you have many things around you and it’s genuine?
Know why certain things work. Look at all guys and see commonalities.
Changing your body language changes your state.
Be willing to do everything, even if you feel weird.
They have to look like hard to get- high value, if you touch them in public places you lower her value.
If she realizes that you are emotionally reactive she will lose interest. On a good night you will not care, on a bad night you’re thinking “please work”.
People see social feedback-if you get a lot of bad feedback you will feel down. Don’t do that!
When you see she’s not into you, don’t try flirting, know what’s going on.
Most guys think they’re losers– I want to avoid bad emotions. That effects your behaviors, character- they learn dating techniques and study it and don’t take any action because they want to avoid pain.
They want to stop feeling bad about themselves, so if they think that if they get a lot of positive feedback from people or women they will start to feel going about themselves, but they are reaction seekers.
They are too afraid to do approaches, then they do a few of them and do poorly and then go study more.
If you think you’re a geek, you will act like a geek, move like a geek, talk like a geek, but if you think you’re cool you will act cool.
Do your approaches. Do whatever it takes. You will get more confidence. Every morning when you wake up and realizes it doesn’t matter if you did poorly you will go back there and care less and do better! Don’t make a big deal about it and have fun.
Don’t be analytical when you’re out– it will be lame.
Don’t try to show her it was just a game because they care about what she thinks.
When you get thru the social shield those hot girls are pretty much the same as your friends.
It’s about building a higher quality life that you’ll enjoy more.
At some point you have to be yourself and enjoy yourself and your life.
If you embarrass yourself enjoy it. If she rejects you, say you won a bet.
3 things that I will implement:
- 7 day solution
- practicing dancing, stretching
- paying attention to my body language in every interaction (observing ego)